Soon be Christmas haha
I already have 4 presents, don't laugh i have lol
So what are we up to, well not a lot really :-\, Andy
is on a job, returning today after a week away. David
is working long hours too. Michael is here there and
everywhere with his strong network of friends. Charlotte
has finally got herself into a decent morning routine
since the Christmas break. She is mildly autistic and
its takes her a while to adjust to change.
Stefan is refusing to go to school, and i am phoning his
support centre on Monday to see what can be done.
In-between times he is home annoying the little ones, and
eating anything that doesn't move fast enough grrr
Lewis and Holly are great, getting into mischief but if
you cant do that when you are 4 and 3 when can you???
They are having their photos taken tommorrow at the local
studios. I've never had proffesional ones done of the two
of them together, so i hope the results are ok. I plan
to bribe them if all else fails lol
The rest is pretty deep *Alert*
I didnt quite know where to write this, i thought about the
forums i belong to, or Facebook, but here seemed as good
as place as any!
I am still struggling with my decision to stop trying for
another baby. I keep telling myself its the right thing
to do, after all i have 7, whom i feel VERY blessed to have,
but i still feel as if my family isn't complete. If only that
'feeling' would go away i would be ok.
At the moment i feel useless as a human being, its all I've
ever done, have and care for babies, i feel redundant, like
i have no worth any more. I know Holly is only 3, but she is
so independent, its like she's a lot older (she goes to the
toilet alone, she makes her own sandwiches and drinks ect.
I am dreading September, Lewis will be at full time school,
Holly at nursery and I'll be at home alone for the first time.
The last time i had that situation i was working, but who's
going to employ a 44 year old with no experience, especially
in today's financial climate?
I used to love my forums, but now all the emphasis is on those
who are either already pregnant or on who are still trying,
which is only right and proper but its like my opinion doesn't
count any more, I've even had the case where everyone else has
received an answer except me and this has only been since I made
my decision.
Perhaps i should find alternative forums, ones that focus on
children of a similar age to mine.
Sorry if this is offending anyone, i had to get it out or I'd
have burst!!
Boy that feels better :-)
Any one ever felt like this? did that yearning ever go away?
